Friendships

I’ve gained a better understanding of why I’ve struggled with friendships and family relationships. It’s not that I don’t care about them; if they ever needed anything, I would be there for them day or night. They might need to call or text me a few times to grab my attention😊, but once they do, I would hop in my truck and drive for hours to help them.

The real issue is that I often feel like no one truly likes me. This is a self-esteem issue; I struggle with the idea of many people being around me at once and often wonder why anyone would want to be with me. I always worry that I’m going to bother them by texting, calling, or stopping by. I think this is also why I tend to say "sorry" for everything, even when it’s not my fault. It might also be because I’m Canadian😉!

While I’ve never had trouble making friends, I do struggle to maintain those friendships and family relationships. I often lose track of time, and days or even weeks can pass without me reaching out to anyone. I really dislike talking on the phone, and going out feels challenging, which is why it’s completely understandable that people eventually move on.

I’ve come to realize that my difficulties aren’t solely due to being bipolar, especially during my low cycles. With my recent ADHD diagnosis, I’ve finally started to understand what’s happening. My mind tends to focus on the negative, so I have to remind myself to make an effort to connect with friends and family. This diagnosis also explains why I can lose track of time. I’m trying to be more "present" when I’m with them. To help with this, I write reminders in my calendar to call or text them and to make plans to spend time together because I genuinely feel better when I do.

I consider myself fortunate to have people in my life who truly understand me. They remind me that they care and aren’t afraid to give me a gentle—or not-so-gentle—nudge when I need it.

For anyone who feels "not good enough" for others, just know that you are. Sometimes, setting reminders to keep in touch is necessary, and that doesn’t imply anything negative—it just means your brain works differently. Sometimes, we all need that little push to stay connected. Remember that you are worth more than you think. You may just see the world differently and need a little extra encouragement to get out and enjoy it.